Most of the time dad was away and he was available only once in a blue moon. Differences and quarrels between them were frequent too. I knew I cannot rape anybody as I didn’t want to end up in jail or mental hospital. Since sex between family members is taboo in society and no one will spare me alive if I am caught in an attempt, I was sure that if I wanted to have sex I should have consensual sex. Tell you, it’s a long and painful process to get someone in your family to have sex with consent. Usually, from my readings of experiences and stories of people into incest, many talk about fantasies, but I personally think few may have had the luck to have full sexual experience without having any guilt or emotional problems. I knew that I should be close to my mom very much which I was as a normal son and mother. I started spending more time everyday with my mom. After my college time I made it a point to spent time helping her in kitchen like buying things for cooking, helping her do household chores. I slowly was able to replace my sister's presence in kitchen that was in her own world with her studies and tuitions. I used to compliment everything good my mother used to do. She used to be happy about this very much which I realized every women liked. I always used to keep up her confidence and self-esteem and used to patiently listen to her sometimes for an hour about her troubles of the day. This entire patient listening worked. She used to tell me everything that happened in the day. We became closer to each other. At times I used to think that was this all going to be fruitful, but at times I got glimpses of her legs or bloused breasts in the kitchen which I later used to recollect during my masturbations, I used to comment on her clothes and slowly my mom asks me which sari suits her or blouse that matched with the sari before she goes for any social function. This is when I complimented her clothes. All my compliments were genuine, i.e., I said which I found to be true. Remember this entire time dad used to come once every two months and when he goes to his work again mom used to be irritated for sometimes up to 2 days. Somehow I started to compliment her looks too. She was nearing 42 when I was 20 or 21 and was happy and at times surprised to hear my words complimenting her looks. I used to give her suggestions to look more beautiful. Till date my parents are not much emotionally attached to each other. I used this opportunity and was much closer to my mom.

At times I used to tell her that she is my close friend and used to hug her. I remember I once bit her ear. It was accidental. I once tried to tickle her and she was lightly laughing asking me to stop doing it. I used to give her company till she finished her kitchen work at night. By the time after dinner my sister would have gone to sleep. My mom would tell me to go and sleep which I used to refuse saying you finish your work and she kept on talking about something or the other. After that she used to take bath and go to sleep. During the time she took bath, I tried many times to see her but unsuccessful. I used to masturbate thinking about her breasts or pubic area. I remember she used to go to sleep happily after bath and night prayer. At times my mom and myself slept together. Though I had no courage to do anything, I used keep my one leg over her body. I remember, once kept my leg over her tummy. She was lying On her back not asleep. She lowered my leg to her leg level and I gain used to keep my left over her tummy. This continued for at least two times. This was one opportunity I used to hug her with my hands across her neck. I used to kiss her cheek and I used to ask her give back a kiss on my cheek which she used to give. The interesting point is when I slowly stared kissing her while hugging also. This I slowly made it a regular feature. Though it might have been a normal thing to do, but I wanted I started touching her more (for more duration) when she once asked me to put amrutanjan (a pain balm) over her backbone when she had back pain. She used to lie on her back and I used sit beside her and apply the balm on her backbone. I used to feel her skin and get aroused (when she pulled her the backside of her blouse a bit up) without she knowing it. Later I used to volunteer to apply balm whenever I thought she may need it. Whenever I was applying balm, I didn’t touch her other parts 'by mistake' so as not to spoil our relationship. She may get angry if she felt I was trying to use her or so, and I was not courageous enough too or I thought the time was not ripe enough. Anyway she got used to me applying balm over her back. All These days I was listening to her, complimenting her for what nice things she did (cooking, washed clothes, etc), her clothes, her looks, etc and was hugging and kissing her also. At times I had prolonged my hugs and kisses too. One more time I tried to tickle her for which she also was getting tickled like a small girl and asking and shouting me to stop. I knew from her behavior that she has maternal fondness or affection only for me. But I was all the more interested in her sexually. My episodes with girlfriends were boring and like art movies (nothing happening). I knew if I ever had to have sexual experience I have to be bold. I frequently masturbated thinking about her. My fantasies were not like she sucking my penis or me fucking her, but I used to fantasies making her happy in every way I can. I think I had love for her. We guys at times make the mistake of taking pleasure without giving, and is at times reflected in our fantasies also. I always fantasized of giving pleasure to her. She like any woman likes it soft with emotional happiness too.

I usually wrap a thin towel around my waist after my bath when I came out of the bathroom. While coming out of bathroom I used to be horny and this horniness was reflected down between my legs when my Manhood be stiff for which I masturbated before coming out. Earlier I used to wait till my organ cools or softens to a comfortable level. Slowly I gained courage and came out of bath room wearing the thin towel and an erect organ but had no courage to look at mom who used to be in kitchen at that time. Regularly my 'tent' show was going on and once I glanced at my mom's face and she was looking at the 'tent'. My towel was around my waist which I started wearing a bit more lower and knowingly tried to display my top pubic hair too thinking that she might find it interesting. Once I went to my bedroom wearing the towel and I was rubbing my hair one more time with towel. I was standing nude with my not so erect organ hanging down. My mom came to the next room with tea and breakfast past my room, and I am sure she saw me standing this way because the door also was fully open. It was accidental, and if I was aware I wonder I had the guts not to slide the door or cover myself. Since my mom had seen my penis, I used to think that she now might take me as a man. I made attempts to show my fully erect penis. After many unsuccessful attempts one day when I was 21 or 22 I made it happen